I slept til 11:30 this morning, which was disorienting— I often lounge around in my PJ’s on weekend mornings, but usually I’m awake at a more respectable time. No matter. I meditated for the first time in weeks— just seven minutes of a ten minute meditation, but it counts. I had a moment of clarity while making coffee— one of those times that the brain and heart match up, and both said: it doesn’t make sense to waste your time worrying about the future, about things you don’t have any control over right now. Of course I *know* this is true, in an intellectual way, but much of the time it’s hard to believe it. I was looking through old emails to find a friend’s new address, and found an exchange in August in which I was worried about jobs and she was offering reassurance. And here it’s December and I’m still getting knots in my stomach and feeling inadequate and insecure, all because B. and I don’t have jobs for next fall.
And what is the worst case scenario? We graduate in May without jobs. We keep looking. We won’t be doomed to unemployment for the rest of our lives. We will be together.
We’ll get jobs, eventually, and in the meantime my life is pretty great in all the important ways. Life is long, and in retrospect law school will have been just a short interlude, and whether we got jobs in January or June won’t make any difference.